For many seeking a career working as a counselor for students, empathy marks the motivation for pursuing a master’s in school counseling. Most graduate programs prepare participants in the foundation of counseling, but many issues will pose a challenge for new counselors, especially school-based grief support.
Grief is an undeniable and unavoidable part of human experience, and it is particularly hard for the K-12 student population because of the unique factors that come into play: puberty, lack of power in the situation, lack of language to communicate feelings, peer pressures, and many others. School counselors are the first line of defense for these students to help them understand and process what is happening and what those feelings mean. However, new school counselors and those preparing to enter the field may feel unprepared to deal with the issue of school-based grief support if only because it’s difficult to explain and explore grief on a personal level, let alone with the diverse needs of children, adolescents, and teens in their various stages of development.
At a Glance
Grief support in schools is the coordinated effort by school counselors, teachers, and staff to help students process loss while maintaining academic progress, emotional stability, and social connection within the school environment. It is not therapy. It is short-term, school-based, and preventative, designed to support students within the structure of their daily school life and identify when a referral to outside mental health services is needed.
This article covers:
- How grief shows up in students across developmental stages
- What school counselors do when a student is grieving
- How school-based grief support differs from clinical therapy
- How master’s in school counseling programs build grief-related competencies
- When and how to refer a student to outside support
Why Grief Support Is Central to the School Counselor Role
Grief affects students’ academic performance, behavior, and emotional well-being, making it one of the most common issues school counselors address across grade levels. When students in K-12 schools experience loss, a school counselor is often the first trained professional to notice how the student is coping or not coping with grief and the changes associated with processing grief.
The ASCA National Model is a framework developed by the American School Counselor Association. The goal of the model is to outline what an effective master’s school counseling program looks like and offer guidance for school counselors to craft and implement these programs. The model aims to give clarity on how effective support can help students find success in academic, social/emotional, and career domains of their academic experience. Because grief can have such a big impact on all of these areas of student life, school counselors must have an understanding and competency in how to best support students as they work to implement school counseling programming into schools.
How Student Grief Shows Up in Schools
Student grief in schools can show up in different ways depending on the child, their cultural background, and developmental stage. One in 14 children (7.2%) will experience the death of a sibling or parent by the age of 18, according to an article in the National Institutes of Health’s National Library of Medicine (Frei-Landau, 2024). The numbers go up for youth of color (Hillis et al., 2021). Yet many schools and teachers feel ill-equipped to address the issue of grief in the classroom, let alone know what it looks like when it does arise.
Generally, student grief can manifest in declining academic performance, emotional outbursts, increased challenging behavior, and heightened emotionality. Younger children may even regress developmentally, exhibiting issues like bed-wetting after having already established bathroom independence. Developmental models of understanding say a child’s developmental grief responses show up in ways specific to age-related understandings of death, while in attachment models, the focus is on how the death affects the child’s attachment to key figures.
However, developmental grief responses are not the only factor. Students from different cultures may exhibit different behaviors, needs, and even grieving periods that are specifically based on their background. For example, Western cultures tend to focus on the specific timeline and expression needs of the individual, while more Eastern cultures and many Latin cultures have a more collectivist grieving process based on specific traditions and grieving periods (Hilberdink, 2023).
Common Misconceptions About School-Based Grief Support
It’s easy to assume that school-based grief support is the same thing as traditional therapy or that grief always looks a certain way. Here are a few common myths about these efforts.
- Myth #1: School counseling is the same as grief therapy.
Truth: School counselors offer grief support in schools, and they aren’t grief therapists. It’s an important distinction, because a grief therapist specializes in working with grief, whereas a school counselor specializes in working within the school context on a variety of issues. School counselors provide school-based support, not clinical therapy. - Myth #2: Grief looks like sadness.
Truth: Grief takes many forms, which sometimes look like sadness, but not always. - Myth #3: Immediate crisis response translates to long-term counseling.
Truth: The two are not interchangeable, and school support is often a response to an imminent need. Long-term counseling may be assessed as needed as a result of the initial response, but it does not mean the same thing. - Myth #4: Grief expression is universal to all cultures.
Truth: While there can be overlap and similarities, different cultures (and subcultures within a larger culture) have various ways of expressing, processing, and dealing with grief and loss, and it’s important for culturally competent school counselors to be able to consider what behaviors or symptoms may actually be a culturally appropriate way of dealing with grief.
How Master’s in School Counseling Programs Teach School-Based Grief Support
To help future school counselors prepare to support students with grief in the school setting, Master’s in School Counseling programs offer coursework, supervision, and internships designed to develop grief-related competencies. School counselor licensure depends on attending a quality master’s in school counseling program. Each state has different requirements for what is required for a school counseling program. However, programs accredited by the Council for Accreditation of Counseling and Related Educational Programs (CACREP), which offers a baseline standard to which counseling programs are expected to adhere, generally satisfy most state educational requirements.
The purpose of a master’s in school counseling program is to teach future school counselors the “theory and principles of guidance and counseling to the provision of support for the personal, social, educational, and vocational development of students, and the organizing of guidance services within elementary, middle, and secondary educational institutions.” This is according to the Integrated Postsecondary Education System (IPED) from The National Center for Education Statistics, as of 2026.
Students in master’s in school counseling programs are taught best practices in grief-related support through coursework related to child development, trauma-informed care, crisis response, ethical decision-making, multicultural counseling, and referral processes. Practice in school-based grief support happens under supervised role-play, case consultation, small-group work, and exposure to crisis during the practicums and internships. These methods help the future school counselor develop competency, clarify roles, create ethical boundaries, and prepare for school counselor licensure (though specific practices and requirements vary by state and district).
In a nutshell, here are the general components of a master’s in school counseling graduate program that prepares students to become school counselors and build competency in grief-related skills.
Coursework
- Trauma-informed care
- Child and adolescent development
- Crisis response and prevention
- Ethical decision-making
- Multicultural counseling
Practicum & Internship
- Supervised individual and small-group counseling
- Case consultation
- Observation of crisis response protocols
- Documentation and referral processes
Evaluation Methods
- Role-play simulations
- Case studies
- Supervisor feedback
- Ethical scenario analysis
The section below outlines specific strategies students learn to apply through this training.
Practical Strategies Taught in School Counseling Programs
The following are key strategies future school counselors learn to apply when supporting grieving students.
Working with grieving students starts with a trauma-informed theoretical framework. Learning the developmental stages is crucial for learning how school-aged children process big issues like death and grief. Attachment theory, the dual-process model of grief, and meaning-making are also key theoretical areas that students learn in coursework to help better understand how students are conceptualizing death and loss at various stages of development. Crafting school-based interventions is another area of coursework taught to future school counselors. Developing a crisis response plan, crafting and implementing in-school grief support groups, and creating a supportive and safe environment are all important theoretical learning areas taught in these courses, as is the ability to be more culturally competent through an awareness of different attitudes toward grief and loss across cultures.
Learning the theory of working with this population around the issue of grief and bereavement leads into postvention and implementation. This often starts in group-oriented practice with peers in the courses themselves under the direct supervision of professors and supervisors. Practice sets the stage for work with real students or clients in the practicums and internships. The in-person opportunities for practice give future counselors the chance to work with support staff and teachers to support students experiencing grief; create safe, predictable support spaces for students; have check-ins with students; support students in peer relationships and classroom inclusion; and identify when referrals to outside services may be necessary.
Comparison / Data Table
Below is a comparison table of how children at different stages of development experience grief, how it can impact academic performance and life at school, and recommendations for responses from schools. There will be some considerable overlap, and many recommended responses are considered applicable across developmental stages.
| Grade | Common Behavioral Signs | Academic Impacts | Recommended School Response |
|---|---|---|---|
| PreK-4 | ClinginessIrritabilityTemper tantrumsAnxietyCryingSleep issues and nightmaresRegressive behavior | -More accidents in the classroom due to behavior regression, like bathroom accidents-Problems following rules-Attachment challenges to teachers and other key adult figures-Increased aggression or disruption in class | -Provide and stick to routine-Give choices throughout the school day when possible-Provide opportunities for play, as children often process and express grief through play |
| 5-8 | Eating more or less than normalSafety and abandonment concernsOutbursts and acting as though nothing happened afterRegression of learned behaviors (like shoe-tying and bedwetting)Energy fluctuationsPhysical complaints, like stomachaches or headaches | -Classroom disruptions through reactivity-Bathroom accidents while at school-Increased behaviors and aggression-Increased trips to the nurse’s office-Increased absences-May see increased emotionality in the classroom-Not responding when called in class | -Provide understanding and a safe space when students show emotional reactivity-Make room for creative play in the day-Offer choices for the student within the structure of the day-Educators should allow for questions and discourse about death and what happened |
| 9-12 | Acting out AnxietySafety concern for self or othersWorry that something bad will happen Concentration and focus issuesNightmaresIntrusive thoughtsRecreating the trauma through play or talkLots of questions about deathExtreme emotionsHypervigilanceIncreased sensitivityWithdrawing from social situations or family Increased risk-takingIncreased perfectionism | -Poor concentration can lead to grade slippage-Tiredness and sleepiness in class-Increased trips to the nurse’s office or increased absences-Increased isolation and decrease in socialization in the classroom | -Routine for safety while keeping room for flexibility as needed-Providing safety and space for flexibility to adapt to student needs-Implement a school counseling plan which prioritizes giving space for questions and visits to counselors or other trusted staff-Offering extended time for test-taking or postpone or cancel large tests-Make outside referrals as needed |
| 13-18 | Withdrawing from support networksIncreased focus friends vs familyIncreased risk-takingConcentration issuesIncreased perfectionismSleep problems Appetite changesIntense and unpredictable emotionsDiscomfort talking about the death with caregiversFear of death Worry about safety for self and othersSelf-parentification (taking on a parent role)Suicidal thoughts or self-harm thoughts or behaviorsHypervigilanceIncreased sensitivity to noise, movement or light | -Increased absences-Legal issues-Increased disciplinary action in school-Slipping grades-Increased perfectionism in coursework-Decreased socialization and increased isolation in school-May not talk about the loss or like being asked about it-Increase in stress during class-Quieter in class or acting out | -Adjusting classroom expectations for focus-Make outside referrals as needed-Increased collaboration with caregivers and support network-Implementing a reentry plan with support network-Flexibility within routine in the classroom |
Source: Dougy Center, 2021
Scope of Practice, Ethics & Referral
As outlined above, school counselors provide school-based support, not clinical therapy. In practice, the differences between the two look like this:
This work is meant to create a space for students that is conducive to processing loss and reducing isolation while managing and maintaining academic performance and success. CACREP standards note that school counselors are advocates, leaders, and agents for change within school systems (CACREP Standards, 2024). Their role is more holistic in that it involves both the school counselor and the wider school and may require referral out if the student needs more dedicated support for personal processing.
School-based grief support takes place in the school environment, is meant to be nurturing within a familiar environment, and is meant to be preventative in nature. In contrast, grief therapy is recommended for students exhibiting higher-risk behaviors and signs and takes place in a clinical setting in a one-on-one capacity. Grief therapy focuses on deep-seated issues and intensive healing of trauma outside of school.
A school counselor may need to refer a grieving student to counseling when it becomes apparent that their grief puts the student at a higher risk and the school counselor deems it is needed or if the child and/or their parents request the referral (ACA Code of Ethics). The ASCA Ethical Standards for School Counselors instruct school counselors to connect students and families to outside resources when it becomes apparent there is a need for long-term mental health counseling (ASCA Ethical Standards for School Counseling, 2022).
School counseling programs accredited by and meeting CACREP standards are required to train future school counselors in foundational concepts as well as specialized knowledge in screening for mental health issues and applying trauma-informed interventions, which are two necessary skills needed to ascertain when a referral is needed (CACREP Standards, 2024).
Key Indicators That Warrant Referral
- In-school interventions have had little to no effect
- The student is in danger of harming self or others
- The student’s behavior continues to disrupt their own lives and class time despite intervention
- Medication or further assessment is needed
- Student’s grief and processing behaviors require long-term counseling
- Family needs to be a part of the counseling process
- The student struggles to gain stability and emotional calm enough to return to class after a visit to the school counselor’s office
- Specialized group or individual therapy is needed
- Needs exceed the scope of practice of the school counselor
It’s important to specify that what might call for a referral may differ by state, and these standards are generally recommended based on the ASCA Code of Ethics, as of March 2026.
Steps / How To
A School Counselor–Informed Approach to Student Grief:
1. Recognizing signs within the school environment
Signs such as a decrease in social engagement, refusing school, declining grades and performance, outbursts or increased behavioral challenges are just a few ways grief can show up for students at school.
See the comparison table above for a detailed breakdown by developmental stage. Keep in mind that grief can also show up as a sudden change in a student’s typical pattern, not just the behaviors listed.
2. Providing appropriate short-term support
Short-term support for grieving students can take multiple forms. First, school counselors can help create a supportive environment by educating faculty and staff about how to support students through active listening, answering questions about death and dying, and what culturally appropriate signs to look for that a student may be grieving and struggling with the loss.
A short-term plan might include daily check-ins for the first two weeks, a pass to visit the counselor’s office as needed, adjusted homework expectations communicated to teachers, and a scheduled reassessment at the 30-day mark.
School counselors can also provide opportunities to connect with groups and individual check-ins, as well as work with faculty to provide a mixture of routine and flexibility in class as needed.
3. Monitoring changes in behavior or academics
Monitoring means setting up a communication loop. School counselors can coordinate with teachers to track attendance patterns, grade changes, and behavioral shifts on a weekly basis during the first month after a loss. If patterns worsen or plateau despite support, it may be time to increase interventions or consider a referral.
4. Communicating with families and school teams
School counselors should collaborate with families to monitor the student’s adjustment at home and at school. Parents and family being involved in children’s processing of loss is a key support that school counselors should include in the overall school response.
Communicating with parents and school teams is especially critical when a student or staff member has died. Collaboration with administration and crisis teams to facilitate postvention protocols school-wide can help students process the loss as a community and offset later problems. Acknowledgment of the loss is crucial, though schools should avoid announcing the death over the PA system. Having teachers tell students within the classroom and facilitating open dialogue or forming a phone or email tree to inform parents are two ways that the topic can be sensitively broached. Schools can also work to create opportunities for students and staff to mourn and process, such as through a memorial, activity, or craft to honor the deceased.
5. Referring to outside resources when needed
See the referral indicators listed in the Scope of Practice section above. When a referral is needed, the school counselor typically initiates the conversation with the family, provides a list of vetted outside providers, documents the referral, and maintains the supportive relationship with the student after the transition.
FAQs
1. How is School-Based Grief Support Different from Grief Therapy?
Grief support in schools is different from grief therapy, particularly in its intensity, its length of implementation, and its scope. It is meant to support students experiencing the grief, not be a replacement for individualized therapy in a clinical setting. Grief therapy is specific to the individual, takes place out of the school setting, and often lasts longer and involves family members. This work is holistic and involves the school as a whole to manage the student’s interaction with their academic environment.
2. When Should a School Counselor Refer a Grieving Student?
A school counselor should make a referral to outside mental health support when it becomes clear that the student’s needs exceed the scope of support available. For example, if the child needs medication, is not improving with the supports and interventions available in school, is exhibiting behaviors or signs of being a danger to self or others, or is experiencing difficulty managing their emotions in the school environment and cannot calm down. It is also recommended to refer when it becomes clear the child will need grief support for a longer period of time.
3. How Do School Counseling Programs Prepare Students to Support Grieving Children?
School counseling programs prepare students for work supporting grieving children by combining theoretical and foundational coursework with supervision and hands-on application through internships and practicums in academic settings. The curriculum includes important information on working with grieving children through coursework on developmental stages, crisis intervention; diagnosis and assessment; and school counseling program development and implementation. All of these, and more, are crucial to being able to spot a need and create collaborative plans within school systems. The supervision and practicum/internships give students the opportunity to practice under guidance within K-12 schools in a guided capacity so they have greater confidence and capability to do the work independently later.
For more information on accredited school counseling programs, CACREP’s online directory is a great place to start for information on schools that meet minimum qualifications. Remember that qualifications for school counselor licensure differ by state.
4. What Resources Are Available for School Counselors Dealing with Student Grief?
Many resources are available for school counselors as they work to support students’ grief. On top of learning and training gained through master’s in school counseling programs, school counselors can access support through national organizations, online training and guides, school-based support tools, and professional development organizations. Here are a few examples:
- Online Training and Guides
-The Coalition to Support Grieving Students - National Organizations:
-National Center for School Crisis and Bereavement (NCSCB)
-The Dougy Center
-National Alliance for Grieving Children (NACG) - School-Based Support Tools:
-Grief-Sensitive Schools Initiative
-CaringMatters - Professional Development & Crisis Response:
-American School Counselor Association (ASCA)
-National Association of School Psychologists (NASP)
While school counselors can’t prevent or get rid of grief, they serve a vital role for students in providing stability, understanding, and connection within the school environment. While it may seem like an intimidating role to fill, future school counselors can support students who are grieving in meaningful ways through appropriate training and clear ethical and practical boundaries. Training can be gained through accredited master’s in school counseling graduate programs. For more information about school counselor programs, check out CACREP’s online directory of accredited graduate schools.
References:
American Counseling Association. (2014). ACA Code of Ethics. American Counseling Association. https://www.counseling.org/docs/default-source/default-document-library/ethics/2014-aca-code-of-ethics.pdf
American School Counselor Association. (2022). ASCA Ethical Standards for School Counselors. ASCA Ethical Standards for School Counselors; American School Counselor Association. https://www.schoolcounselor.org/About-School-Counseling/Ethical-Responsibilities/ASCA-Ethical-Standards-for-School-Counselors-(1)
An Overview of Bereavement and Grief Services in the United States. (n.d.). https://aspe.hhs.gov/sites/default/files/documents/1ed9790d93a64e9054e0b25b808f0eff/bereavement-grief-services-report-congress-2023.pdf
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